He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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