Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
