Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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