you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
