Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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