if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
