i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
