Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
