Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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