i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Someone shit on the floor
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
