Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
