We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
