it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
