she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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