You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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