farters have to be the big spoon...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
