just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
