Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
FUCK WHALES
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
