He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
