I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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