The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
