he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
