girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
