My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
