You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
