So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
