I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
