i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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