is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
