yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
