He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
