Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
