someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
