I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your penis caused this!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
