I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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