Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
BRING THE BAGELS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
