you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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