Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thank you for not boning my boss.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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