remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
