She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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