'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
