I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
