Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
