All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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