You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
