Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
