They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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