That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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