chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I want to be your penis for a week.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
