Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You left your phone here
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