I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
