finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i think im in europe. pls send help
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
