just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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