had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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