New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need moral support for this bender
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
