im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
