Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
